Beloved

I try to take my dog, Doc, on a walk every day. He counts on it. Today on our walk, we walked through the cemetery in town. I located the gravesites of family and friends. There are a lot of familiar names etched in stone. Some of these names I see on our daily walks; names of streets, historical markers, or engraved on buildings. Payne, Herriott, Adams, Vawter, and Province. These names quickly brought to mind those places I walk past daily in my hometown.

Gravestones are a curious thing. I wondered why some people erected massive pillars with their family name boldly engraved for all to see? Some stones were so old and the etching so crude, it was hard to decipher what was written there. There were stones that were heart shaped, some with symbols attached, some with photographs, and too many with crosses to symbolize their sacrifice to our country.

And then I saw an engraving that tore into my soul.

Beloved wife....
Tears stung my eyes as I realized the probablity of any stone being erected with my name and Beloved wife written underneath. It wasn't the idea of a stone being placed with my name on it at all. I would prefer to be cremated. The hurt, the wound, was that I was no longer anyone's beloved wife. When does this void, this huge gaping hole ever get filled in, I wondered? This wasn't what I signed up for when I said "till death do us part."

I have changed in many ways because of my divorce. I  am not the same person I was before and I can say that I am thankful for that change. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we do not understand and are out of our control. I believe I had a choice in my future. I could leave that gap open for everyone to see. I could let it fill up with anger, bitterness, and resentment or I could move on. I have chosen the path to move on.

The cemetery has a creek that runs along beside it's edge. As I exited the path and moved up onto the street, Doc and I crossed across the top of the creek. I stopped over the bridge and glanced back at the cemetery. Stones dotted the landscape before me. They all had a story to tell. So do I.

I looked down at the stream flowing beneath me and realized there was a message here. Life moves on. There are big and small holes in the creek bed. There are probably places where the sand shifts beneath. There are rocks to stumble over. The water keeps flowing though. And so do I.

I walked on, a smile on my face, and a lifted spirit.
I am beloved.
I am beloved by my family. I am beloved by my friends. I am even beloved by my dog.
But most importantly, I am beloved by my God.