dinner for one

Grocery Shopping has always been my least favorite chore.
I hate it even more now.
I avoid it like the plague.
I am usually guilt ed into a grocery store trip after my daughter tugs open the door to my refrigerator , bends over, and peers in with the look of a scowl upon her face. This scowl usually is followed by, "Really mom? part of a stick of butter, three cartons of yogurt, an apple, a bottle of beer, three eggs, a piece of cheese, and a quart of milk that expired last week!"
 I hate it when she checks the expiration dates.

It's not just me though. Single men have similar food and mealtime woes too. One recently explained how hard it was for him to try to make a balanced meal for his family on the days he has custody of his children. He was going home after a day's work on a physical job, tired, picking up the kids, running them to various ball practices, helping with homework, and fitting in dinner somehow. I know where his frustration is though, because he is doing what typically is the woman's end of the deal. I think I touched on this in a previous blog ... my frustration being tossed into the world of man jobs.

The other man I talked with said he was a big fan of cereal. Well, maybe not a fan, but it was a standard in his diet now. Repetition in our diets seemed to be the theme of the day.... or week.
After years of planning and preparing meals for three children and a spouse, plus the "extra kids" that always seemed to be at our house, cooking for just me is hard to do. Portion downsizing has not entered my vocabulary yet. No matter how hard I try, even succeed, in making a smaller sized meal, I still end up with meatloaf for four days. Or the soup that never ends.

More depressing than getting motivated to fix the meal is the actual sitting down to the table. I literally have to force myself NOT to stand at the counter and eat. If I stand, I realize later that I have "wolfed" down the food. Not a good habit. Anyone in my shoes or similar ones, understands the unfunness of dinner for one. Yes, I know unfunness is not a real word, but it is a real emotion, so I am leaving it in my story.

There are four chairs around my table. Three are most often empty. I have strategically placed a collage type frame of pictures in my dining nook and often glance up at it while I eat my meal. The frame is large and holds about 20 photographs. I have put in it colorful pictures of my children at various ages. They are young adults now. It has pictures from memorable good times that are a part of my past. Some were shot on vacations. Others are holiday pictures. A few tell the story of some milestone, like a birthday or a wedding. These photographs are dear to me.

I have decided to change them out though recently. You see, the frame was a gift to me as a "housewarming" when I first moved out on my own. I did not want to lose these memories and need to make sure they remained a joyous part of my past. I purposely chose these particular colorful photographs to brighten my day. I hung it there to make my meal time less unfun.

It hasn't worked.
Oh, the pictures bring a smile to my face.
Always. The hairstyles and 80's fashions alone bring a smile to my face.
 But, there is something about revisiting the past while sitting alone that just doesn't jive.

Thus, I have decided to change out the past for the present. I am gathering up black and white photographs that have been taken these past two years. They are the reality, the black and white of my life today. They are also my ebony and ivory, the richness in my everyday existence.  The photographs I choose will be of my present. They will be snapshots of my joys, my loves, and my hopes.

There is a possibility that my mealtime might still remain unfun. I have to give it a try though. I am not letting go of my past, those colorful moments captured in the older photographs remain a huge part of me and who I am. 
I am hopeful that being surrounded with the richness of my life now at mealtime will ignite within me a feeling of peace and gratitude.

I probably won't ever enjoy grocery shopping.
I may still have expired milk in my refrigerator with lots of empty shelf space.

But maybe my dinner for one will be a reminder of how richly blessed I am in .....today


Proverbs 16:9
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.